It's Bound To Work
by Corvus corone
Summary: Natsume, Mikan, Sumire and Koko all seem to be in nicely settled couples, but perhaps all is not quite as well as it seems. Narumi isn't behaving quite as happily as usual, and the gang want to know why. A crackfic that's not quite what you'd expect.


**Le Printemps d'Amour**

_written for Abnormality Words_

XXX

On bright spring days like these, so warm that it felt almost like summer, Narumi liked to 'teach' his classes outside on the fields. The word 'teach' is put inside those handy quotation marks because, of course, Narumi didn't really teach very much. This so-called lesson was turning out to be more like a picnic; indeed, everyone in Junior High Class C had taken sandwiches and picnic blankets with them in preparation.

"Scoot over, stupid," muttered Natsume to his girlfriend, Sumire. She yelped, and gave him a millisecond-long glare before her features dissolved into soppiness.

"Sure, Natsume darling!" she cried happily, and scooted over, accidentally elbowing Koko in the process. Koko nudged Mikan.

"I swear her glares are getting longer!" he whispered to her.

"What?" said Mikan loudly.

"I think Sumire's glare that time was, like, 0.01 seconds longer than yesterday's!" Koko whispered again.

Mikan looked at him. "You know, I think you're getting obsessed with this," she said in an innocently hurt tone.

Not sure why she would be innocently hurt, Koko said, "What? I'm just saying!"

"Why don't you ever pay more attention to me than Sumire?" said Mikan, not listening to him.

"What?" said Koko. Again.

"You always notice how long she glares at Natsume or how many centimetres she scooches!" Mikan wailed, obviously very upset. "I know we've only been going out for a few days, but can you at least notice me instead?!"

"Mikan..."

"Are you confused yet?" said Sumire. It wasn't clear who exactly she was talking to, but then Luca's bunny shook its head. Ah, that was it.

"Okay, class!" said Narumi loudly. Sumire, Koko and Mikan stopped talking and looked up, wondering if Narumi was actually going to teach them this lesson.

"What?" said Natsume once a few seconds had passed and Narumi had not continued.

"Oh, actually... oh well. Just continue with whatever you were doing," Narumi said, and sat back down again. He seemed a little disorientated. Koko, noticing this, attempted to get inside his head - to no avail, as all he could read from Narumi's mind was a blank wall of "GO AWAY".

"Do you think he's alright?" said Mikan.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Koko. Sumire swatted his head.

"Not you, idiot!" she snarled. "Mikan was talking about Naru-sensei!"

"Were you?" said Koko. He rubbed his head and wondered if Sumire's swats had increased in frequency over the past few days.

"Um... I was talking about both of you," Mikan said loyally. "Anyway, do you think Narumi-sensei's okay? He seems so... different, these days."

"He still seems like the same pervert as usual," said Natsume, stealing Sumire's tuna sandwich. Luca, who had come to join them and his rabbit, looked torn between telling Sumire what Natsume was doing or laughing at them.

Koko grinned. "Only 'cos you two had a romantic moment in the Science labs the other day."

"Really?!" said Mikan, sitting up. "That is so sweet!" she squealed, clasping Koko's arm.

Sumire did not look so impressed. "What happened?"

"Nothing," growled Natsume. "Hey, Permy, you can have your sandwich back. I hate tuna."

"How dare yo- you what? How can you no- I mean, of course, dear!" said Sumire.

Koko rolled his eyes and said, "Natsume was caught sneaking in there last night, so Naru came and, uh, 'took care' of it."

"So... Koko.... and how do you know?" Luca asked, unable to hide his amusement. Natsume glared at him, and then even more so at Koko.

"Well, I was walking past, and then I heard Natsume thinking that he was gonna get caught, so... yeah. It was really cute. And hey, stop glaring at me! It's not like you're going to risk doing anything with Naru-chan-sensei right there!"

"Koko, I think you should stop talking," said Sumire kindly. She patted Natsume's arm and leaned against him. Natsume moodily fiddled with the grass, secretly thinking how he could assassinate Koko without anyone finding out. Except for Koko, who obviously would have to. And then he could get a slow torture in there as well, just to teach that smiley brat a lesson.

"So ANYWAY, as I was SAYING, don't you think Narumi sounds a bit different from usual?" Mikan said. She petted Bunny-Boo and leaned against Koko, mirroring Sumire and Natsume.

"Yeah, I know! I was trying to read his mind just now, and you know normally he lets me-"

"What do you see in there?" said Luca curiously.

"You probably don't even want to know," said Natsume, taking a break from his Kill-Koko plans. "Sumire, get off me."

"... no, you don't," Koko said after a short pause filled with traumatic images. "Anyway, yeah, just now he just shouted at me to go away. Mentally, you know."

"I don't think you should be reading minds anyway," Sumire said disapprovingly. "That is really insulting people's privacy!"

"Shut it, Permy," Natsume said. "That idiotic perverted excuse for a teacher deserves it all - even from someone like Koko."

Sumire shrugged. "Why don't we just ask him?"

"Who?" Luca said.

"Naru, stupid."

"Will he tell us?" Mikan said. She let go of the rabbit and sleepily watched it hop onto the grass.

"Worth a shot, right?" said Koko.

XXX

It turned out to not be worth very much of a shot all, as all Narumi would do was look up and say, "Hello! I'm not really in the mood for talking... but don't worry! I'm fine!" and then go back to listlessly staring at the sky. The group of Junior High Class C students were not quite satisfied with this response, however fine Narumi insisted he was.

"Why are we even worrying, anyway?" said Natsume.

"Nattie-chan! How can you be so insensitive!?" Sumire cried. "At least I- I mean, _we _- have to find out what's his deal, don't we?" It was an unspoken fact that Sumire just wanted to be the first student with the hot gossip, thought Koko.

"Exactly! Koko, don't you agree?" Mikan said, patting Sumire's shoulder and turning to Koko. She was probably acting more out of sympathy for Narumi. Koko found it rather hard to tell, what with her Nullification cancelling out all his mind-reading attempts. It was because of this confused analysis of Mikan's thoughts that Koko forgot to answer Mikan's question.

"Koko, you're meant to say something now," Luca said when Koko continued to grin blankly into space.

"I what? Oh yeah, um, yes," he said. "Sorry Mikan-chan! It's really hard to talk to you when I can't hear half your thoughts..."

Mikan looked a bit upset. "But you're meant to understand how I feel naturally!"

"But how am I meant to know?"

"What do you mean, _how are you meant to know_? My boyfriend should at least _know _me without having to use his Alice!"

"Okay, guys, stop it," Luca said tiredly. Why was he always the one caught in the middle of things? And as for people caught in the middle of things, where was Hotaru?

"In her lab," said Koko, pointing at the Techincal's Science block.

"Oh," Luca said.

"So, Natsume, what do you think? Did Narumi say anything to you last night? Did you do anything to him?" Sumire said, sitting down and pulling Natsume with her. He stumbled and looked a bit annoyed.

"No," he said. Why was Sumire so into all these stupid gossip-y things?

Koko decided not to try and answer that one. Turning to Sumire, he said, "He was a bit too busy being kissed by Narumi to do anything," in an explanatory tone.

"Shut up," growled Natsume, although his voice was lost a little under the sounds of Mikan and Luca giggling and sniggering respectively.

"Maybe something in the news?" said Mikan after she had finished giggling.

"How would that help?" Sumire said sceptically. "And what exactly are you talking about?"

"Narumi-sensei! Maybe... his parents' cat died and he read it in the newspaper!"

This suggestion was greeted with such a silence that even Bunny-Boo looked up and wondered what was going on.

"That is the single most stupid thing I've ever heard," Natsume said, breaking the mood.

"No it isn't!" Mikan cried. "Besides, you said that my show-that-Hotaru-loves-me plan was way stupider!"

"All your plans are pretty stupid," Sumire said, backing up her boyfriend without mushily squealing after him for once. Luca and Koko nodded in agreement - Koko mouthed, "Sorry, Mikan," as he did so.

"Well, I'm going to read the newspaper anyway," Mikan said stubbornly. She got the week's paper out of her bag (actually, Hotaru's bag - knowing that Hotaru always came prepared, Mikan had sneakily taken her bag at breakfast when she realised that she had left her pencilcase in her room (but she didn't know that Hotaru had been planning on that happening and so prepared two prepared bags)), lay down on the grass, and started reading. Bunny-Boo bounced onto her shoulder and read it with her.

"I bet Luca's bunny finishes before she does," Sumire said.

"Don't insult my girlfriend," said Koko, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Yeah!" called Mikan from behind a screen of black-and-white paper.

"Whatever," Sumire mumbled.

XXX

Half an hour later, the rabbit had long since finished reading and was back on the grass, Natsume was thinking how irritating Sumire's permed bits were, and Koko and Luca were playing catch with a pinecone. Mikan was reading the horoscopes.

"Anything good in there?" Koko asked as he sat down. The pinecone had fallen into the pond.

"Uh... are you a Capricorn?"

"No, I think I'm a Pisces," he replied, scratching his head.

"Those things never work, idiot," said Natsume, stretching. "Why're you wasting your time?"

"How do you know that it doesn't?" retorted Mikan. "Anyway, Koko-pie, you're going to 'find the true path of your destiny calling - choose it if you wish, remembering the ancient adage that the true path is never the easiest and may not always be the most rewarding at first sight. Although the way of your fate seems cloudy and mist-filled, the conjunction between Venus and Neptune symbolises a greater and yet more profound depth in life than has previously been realised, and Uranus's movement-' "

"Haha, she said 'Uranus'," interrupted Sumire, who spoke English better than anyone else. Natsume smirked.

"I _said_, 'and Uranus's movement into the third house of Virgo with extended cubed subtension combined with added rising Moon signs into Aries will provide you with a clean start in your spiritual and astrological life.' "

"What?" said Koko.

"I don't think those things ever make sense," Luca said, sitting down and taking his rabbit into his lap.

"Weren't you trying to find something about Narumi?" Koko said to Mikan.

"Not that she will," Sumire said, lying on Natsume's lap. Natsume seemed more annoyed than heart-warmed.

"Why are you two going out, again?" Koko asked.

"What kind of silly question _is _that?!" shrieked Sumire, sitting up again. "Huh!" Realising that her cat-fangs were out, she passed a hand over her mouth before lying back down again.

"Stressy," Koko said quietly, grinning wider - and yet not quietly enough that Sumire didn't hear him. Which he probably intended, of course.

"Shut your freaking face, 'Koko-pie'," Sumire growled. Koko grinned _even _wider.

"Does Narumi like punks?" Mikan said suddenly.

"Come again?" Sumire said.

"I think Naru _likes _anything that moves," Natsume muttered. Koko sniggered, obviously laughing at some other event than what Natsume had just said - Natsume gave him another death-glare, and remembered the Kill-Koko plan.

"Apparently punks aren't dead yet," replied Mikan.

"Is that supposed to explain something?" said Luca.

"If it does, I can't work out how..." Koko said, trying to look over Mikan's shoulder to see what she was reading. She showed him the page.

"It's a headline," Mikan continued, "and it says that 'this recognisable youth culture movement is making a comeback in the urban areas of Japan, most noticeably in central Tokyo. One wonders if perhaps-' "

"I don't think that has anything to do with anything," Koko said. "Why are you looking at that anyway?"

"That blonde guy looked a bit like Narumi-sensei," Mikan said.

"No it doesn't," Sumire interjected.

Luca sighed. "I don't think this is going to solve anything."

XXX

Sumire was getting a bit annoyed that her gossip-digging ways had so far failed to come up with anything, and she had forgotten why she was so desperate to find out the cause of Narumi's depression some time ago, but that wasn't going to stop her. No, she had devised a new plan - one that involved heavy usage of Mikan's cuteness factor.

"So you see, all you have to do is look innocent - which you do anyway so I don't need to keep telling you - and then look upset, and then when he asks you what's wrong, you then ask _him_ if he's okay. And then he's bound to tell you!" Sumire finished, looking happily lit up with glee.

"Yeah, okay, second stupidest plan I've heard now," Natsume said, casting a critical eye over Mikan's 'cute' posture.

Koko nodded. Sumire swatted him for the second time that day, and then swatted Natsume too for good measure.

"Shut up shut up you two! It's a brilliant plan! It's always worked before. And sorry, Nattie-chan-darling, I didn't mean to swat you too, but you _are _being very annoying when you don't agree with me..."

"Okay, Sumire, I think she's cute," said Koko, smiling (even more than usual) at Mikan. "Don't you think so, Natsume?"

"..." said Natsume.

"I don't get it," mumbled Luca. He wasn't sure which was more brain-draining: spending an afternoon with Sumire and Natsume, or spending it with Hotaru and her robots.

"Definitely Hotaru," Koko told him.

"But at least she never tries to act cute..." Luca said.

XXX

"Hi, Narumi-sensei!" Mikan chirped as she bounced into the Japanese classroom. Narumi was standing by his desk looking... well, not looking happy.

"Hi Mikan!" he said, brightening up. "Are you alright?" he asked, noticing that she seemed to be a little upset about something.

"Okay, part one's working - he just asked her if she's alright," whispered Sumire to Koko. "Don't you think he's not acting the same as normal?"

Natsume had disappeared somewhere with Luca. Koko nodded and pressed his ear harder against the door, trying to make out exactly what Narumi was thinking.

"Um... yeah..." said Mikan, trying to remember what Sumire had told her to say next. Was it, "Yes I'm super!" or "No, actually I want to talk to you..." or even "What's for lunch?" or what?

"Mikan?" said Narumi, looking quite worried. "You're not normally this untalkative..."

"Oh! Um, yes! I'm, er... super!"

"Was that part of the plan?" said Koko to Sumire.

_No it freaking wasn't_, he heard Sumire think.

"Are you sure?" Narumi asked Mikan inside the classroom.

"Of what?"

"Never mind," he said, going back to the desk and looking mournful once more.

"Narumi-sensei? Are YOU alright?" Mikan said tentatively. She gave Sumire a thumbs up behind her back.

"I'm fine!" he replied, attempting to smile a particularly unrealistic smile.

"Sensei... you really don't seem fine... are you-"

"Don't worry about it!" Narumi interrupted. "Now, what did you come in here for?"

_SUMIRE WHAT DO I SAY NOW_, thought Mikan so loudly that it escaped her Nullification barriers. Koko took a step back.

"What's wrong?" hissed Sumire.

"She wants to know what to say now," Koko said, massaging his temples.

"Well how am I meant to tell her?!"

"Er... um, yeah, I thought you looked really miserable about something and I want you to be okay," Mikan said to Narumi.

"Oh! Really? Well, yes, I am a bit upset about something. But it's nothing, really! No, don't worry... when you get older, you'll find that relationships are very troublesome things. Or maybe you don't need to be any older. Are you and Koko getting along fine?"

"Yep! We're great!" Mikan said, beaming. "Although I don't think he likes me that much... he always looks at Permy, not me. But she's with Natsume, so I think everything's okay."

"That must be annoying," Narumi said, although his attention seemed to be elsewhere.

"Um... shall I go?" said Mikan, noticing Koko and Sumire's frantic hand gestures outside.

"Goodbye, Mikan," said Narumi, sitting down at the desk.

XXX

"What the hell did you go and say that for?" Sumire hissed as they went down the corridor. "What is with this whole Natsume and me thing and you?"

"I was just telling it like it is!" Mikan said defensively. "Sometimes I think you two should just get together instead of me and Koko!"

"_What_?!" said Sumire. "Koko, are you listening?"

"... I dunno," Koko sheepishly said. "Isn't that what Higuchi Tachibana is probably gonna do, considering she made us partners?"

"_What_?!" Sumire repeated. "Okay, Koko, what the bloody hell are you on about? And Mikan, and who would pair up with Natsume... _you_?!"

XXX

"Are you breaking up with me?" said Mikan, looking confused.

"I thought it was the other way round," said Koko, looking even more confused.

"I still don't get it," Luca said. His bunny nodded, agreeing with him. "Why are you two splitting up anyway?"

"He likes Sumire more than me," Mikan told him.

"But I'm going out with Natsume anyway," Sumire said. "How is this going to help at all?"

"We can break up as well, you know," Natsume muttered. Sumire whipped round to look at him incredulously.

"_Break up_?!"

"Yeah," said Natsume.

"Oh!" said Sumire, wide-eyed. She flumped onto a chair and put her chin in her hands. "_Why_?!"

"I think I like someone else more," Natsume said slowly and very, very awkwardly. Perhaps the most awkward that Luca had ever seen him, in fact.

"_Who_?!" Sumire said, who seemed to be only speaking with italics and '?!'s.

"Naru?" said Koko, laughing.

Natsume set his hair alight. "Shut up, freak," he growled and stalked out of the room.

There was an odd silence in the room, and then Sumire realised what had just happened.

"I just got _dumped_!" she shrieked, jumping out of her chair. "This is the most humiliating, stupid, freaking God-awful thing freaking ever! I can't believe that that stupid crimson-eyed raven-hair IDIOT is just going to treat me like that, well, he's gonna have to-"

"Sumirewillyougooutwithme?" said Koko very quickly.

"-think again about ever doing smething like that to a girl like me because I'm going to freaking _kill _him, you know, he's gonna- what? Go out with _you_?!"

"Uh, yeah?"

Sumire stared at him. Then she put away her claws and fangs and said, "Sure, of course I will!"

Luca looked as if he wanted to cry with confusion, and Mikan laughed and clapped, wondering where Natsume had gone.

XXX

Natsume was wandering around the Science block again, thinking about what he wanted to do next. He paced around, not able to make up his mind. Then, having seemingly come to a decision, he stepped into the corridor and knocked on a particular door.

"Enter," said a cold voice from inside. Natsume entered obediently.

"I broke up with Sumire," Natsume said, avoiding eye contact with the girl in front of him.

Hotaru looked at him with no change of expression. "That was... interesting. Care to explain why you're here?"

"I... wanted to ask you out instead," Natsume said, still avoiding eye contact.

Hotaru blinked. "And are you going to?"

"Will you go out with me?" said Natsume after approximately two minutes. (Asking people out was not his forte.)

"Certainly," said Hotaru, with a trace of a smile. "Only after I sell this voice recording to the Natsu-Luca Fanclub, of course."

XXX

"So... what was Narumi upset about then?" asked Luca. "Did you ever find out?"

"Oh yeah," Koko said. "I read his mind when he was distracted with Mikan. Apparently Misaki-sensei rejected him again."

"Yes!" said Sumire jubilantly. "I _knew _our plan was bound to work!"

XXX

**THE END.**

_A/N: The prompts:  
~Natsume/Hotaru  
~Sumire/Koko  
~Suicidal-but-still-lively Narumi  
~"Punks [are] not dead!"  
~Mention zodiac signs and Higuchi Tachibana._

_I had great trouble fitting in the prompts, I admit. Maybe it's a bit shallow how I did the punks and the zodiac, but I couldn't think of anything... maybe my brain's fried from all this exam reivision I'm doing. And I honestly don't know how to mention suicide in a humorous fic...  
_

_Anyway, a few comments - I don't know what Luca and Mikan are doing there, but they kinda crept in as I wrote the first sentences. Not that I ever plan fics anyway, but there we go. Yes, the title is stupidly and snobbishly French. I'm sorry. That line (from a song) was in my head for aaaaages, and it also crept into the fic. If I can find a better title, I'll change it. And I apologise for the vast heaps of dialogue, which I guess is my style anyway.  
_

_Also! If anyone wants a place to talk about Gakuen Alice that's not full of non-grammatical n00bs, visit my profile where there is a link to the **new livejournal community for Gakuen Alice** discussions, **ga_chat**.  
_


End file.
